Decent Spelling Land, the Worlds Smallest Population
Hey fellow facebook friends and random internet wanderers, welcome to my first instalment of Larkin’s Spectacular Vernacular. In today’s segment, I’m going to explore a land that so many have dreamed of travelling before, but have lacked the proper qualifications to do so. Yes, I’m talking about Decent Spelling Land, a terrain so scarcely traversed that my foot prints are framed in dust. Now, rather than seeing this blog as jackassery, view it as a tool from a kind fellow who is simply trying to refresh your memory on the basics of the English language. After reading this you’ll be writing perfectly spelled statuses with ease and be awe struck at those who spell congratulations with a ‘d’. So for all those who suffer from the lack of a facebook spell check, enjoy!
I’ll begin with the aforementioned interjection, ‘congratulations’. There are dozens of birthdays, anniversaries, new relationships, pregnancies, births, promotions, and college acceptances that are worth congratulating on a weekly basis, therefore spelling the key word that is essential in blessing someone for their good fortune seems appropriate.
What not to say: “dude, congrads on pulling off that tenth keg stand last night.”
What to say: “Hey Betty White, congratulations on still being relevant somehow!”
Next on the list is one of the most frequent online errs, the confusion between lose and loose. Oh yes, they are entirely different words with individual meanings, the former representing the opposite of winning, and the latter representing the opposite of tight. If you find yourself in a predicament, remember that when you lose it’s because you normally had less, just like ‘lose’ has one less ‘o’.
What not to say: “Man I’m sick of the Leafs loosing.”
What to say: “If Akon is in one more song this year I’m going to lose it!”
Probably the most annoying spelling mistake is the word ‘definitely’, primarily due to the fact that it’s spelled correctly maybe one in five times. I’ve seen ‘defanately’, and ‘defanitely’, but the most common atrocity is ‘definately’. To clear things up I will make the following statement: the letter ‘a’ is not in the word ‘definitely’… ever. When in doubt, search for the root word, we all know that it’s not ‘finate’.
What not to say: “Definately going to kill myself before these exams are over.”
What to say: “A cross between a bulldog and a shih tsu would most definitely be the best breed.”
Alright, it’s time to go back in time kids, all the way back to grade 1. 50% of all first grade classes must have been asleep or too busy with their lego to pay attention to this important lesson, for the butchering of ‘there’, ‘their’, and ‘they’re’, is all too common. ‘They’re’ is a contraction meaning ‘they are’. ‘Their’ suggests that an object belongs to another. If it doesn’t fall under one of those two categories, then you may use ‘there’.
What not to say: “I swear there heading over their with they’re chair.”
What to say: “No, they’re probably not going to move the Coyote’s there until their fans stop showing up completely.”
Since we’re revisiting the good old days of elementary school, we might as well stay there for our next lesson. Remember sitting on that carpet with your legs crossed, hearing random fragments of your teacher’s lesson while daydreaming about your colouring book? That’s when Miss P. was talking about the difference between ‘too’ and ‘to. All you have to know is that ‘too’ means as well… I know, your world just exploded.
What not to say: “I’m totally going too Amsterdam for spring break, and you’re coming to!”
What to say: “Let’s go to my room… yea you can bring her too.”
Congratulations, you passed the first grade and have surprisingly been permitted to skip to the third! Uhoh, these words are getting complicated now. How in the world will we ever know the difference between ‘its’ and ‘it’s’? Simple really, ‘it’s’ is a contraction, meaning in full form it is said as ‘it is’. Therefore, if you read your sentence and it makes sense if you can say ‘it is’, toss that apostrophe in there!
What not to say: “its impossible that aliens don’t exist.
What to say: “Xbox is way better than Playstation, even its version of Wii is superior.”
Yes, we all make spelling mistakes, and yes, nobody is perfect. The purpose of this blog is to clear up some of the more confusing areas of the English language so that facebook will no longer be ridden with the same repeated mistakes. I’m simply doing what so many others haven’t had the courage to say, and for those of you who think it is pretentious or snobby, wouldn’t you prefer not to be ignorant of your own language? So, remember these teachings and pass it on to your friends, and maybe one day all of our facebooks will be cleaner than Will Smith’s lyrics. With that said, I’m going to go sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-… Decent Spelling Land.