Stream of Consciousness

I want to start off by saying I’m very disappointed in myself. The last time I legitimately wrote something was the essay I posted on here eight months ago. As someone who envisions himself to be a successful writer in the future, that’s definitely not the right way to begin. I miss writing and the feeling it gives me after having written something I know is good. For me, one of the most invigorating feelings is finishing a story or an essay. So here I am. At this point I’m considering myself back in the game.

I had the sudden realization recently that my eight month departure from writing has affected my writing skills, and it hit me like an ice-cold slap to the face. So the task of getting back into writing, something which I knew had to be done for a while now, became that much harder. How does one feel good about their muse when they know the ability of their former self overshadows their present self? The only answer I was able to muster was simply to just do. Just write. Any and every way possible.

Then that little light bulb locked away deep in the recesses of a dungeon in the castle that is my noggin lit up. I remembered what got me interested in writing in the first place. Grade 12 I took a course called Creative Writing. I enjoyed the course, but I didn’t love it until one week in particular when we were assigned a certain task. We were to write a stream of consciousness.  All you do is write, and write without stopping. Whatever is at the forefront of your brain you translate from thought into written word. No stopping. It was as simple as that, and I loved every second of it. So much potential for random ideas. It hardly ever makes sense which is the best part about it. It’s kind of like a Douglas Adams novel.

So here I am. I’m back in the game with a stream of consciousness which happens to make no sense. Invigorating indeed.

If I could be a robot I would be that boxing robot whose head pops off when he loses. Maybe it could pop off and just never stop exploding into the air. I would breach the atmosphere and go into space, never stopping, just continuing with whatever inertial energy I started with. I would float past planets and entire galaxies until the end of time itself because I’m a robot and robots don’t die. Oh and I just happen to use stardust as my fuel which is why I can keep going so shut up and stop saying it’s unrealistic. One day I would be pulled by a planet’s gravity. It will be approximately seven times the size of the earth, with seven times the continents and seven times the oceans. I will land in an alien’s backyard. They will have pink bonsai trees shaped like their favourite Blorgon stars. (Blorgons are alien movies kind of but different). I happened to land in the most populated city of this planet with seven times the population of Beijing. They even look Asian except they are all chrome coloured. Everyone looks like an Asian silver surfer. In fact that’s even how they travel, with surf boards that fly through the freakin air. I know what you’re thinking, it must be impossible to get your flying surfboard license, but that’s where you’re wrong my friend. See these Asian silver surfers are so advanced that they actually travelled for 98 years in space until they made it to an inhabited planet. The planet was made up of beings who were shaped like surfboards and communicated telepathically. They cut a deal with the surfboard people and made the first shipment back to Florginjorgin (the planet) in Chrome Beijing. Then they sold the surf boards to the Asian silver surfers for 40 million drezzles (their money, obviously). They did not stop there though. Since the boards are telepathic, they would link the board to the surfer and then put a mental stamp on it. It even makes the same noise as the librarian in Indiana Jones III who stamps books and thinks he’s making a crazy loud boom noise when it was just Indi smashing the ground with a stanchion all along! So after the crazy stamp sound, the Asian silver surfers and the polka dotted surfboards (I forgot to mention they were polkadotted, yellow with black spots. The commercial for the boards actually used the song black and yellow, which they happened to create. The zp3 file that they stored the song on happened to catch a space debris wave and rode it all the way to Earth where I come from and landed in Wiz Khalifas lap. (To this day it’s the biggest lie ever told.) Anyway, the surfers and the boards are linked telepathically, and they became best friends with one another, almost too good of friends. They start becoming anti-social unless they found a compatible board-surfer companion. Now, to go back to where this all started, you were wondering about licenses. Well one doesn’t actually need a license on Florginjorgin because every board is telepathically linked, therefore making it impossible to have a collision unless the surfer is listening to Wiz Khalifa tracks too loud and thereby distracting the minds of the boards. I know, now you’re asking how Wiz Khalifa tracks made it to Florginjorgin. Well when the zp3 landed in his lap, there just so happened to be an invisible space debris trampoline in his room. The zp3 wave picked up the information on his hard drive and floated all the way back. Along with his tracks were Prince, One Direction and the theme to the 90’s x-men cartoon. To this day they are the highest selling tracks of all time on Florginjorgin, yet no one knows where they actually came from or what any of the words mean. In fact black and yellow was the first song ever written in history, so there wasn’t much competition. But those five songs sparked a new sensation on Florginjorgin. If you didn’t have a telepathic surfboard and weren’t creating your own music you weren’t even considered a proper citizen.

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